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Zunguzungu
By Aaron Bady
Anyone claiming to be an expert is selling something. I brandish my ignorance like a crucifix at vampires.
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Is Genocide Right For You?

Many people have a misconception about genocide, which is not banned by international law, but is strictly regulated so that it can be conducted safely and sustainably. This is as it should be. The role of government is not to dictate to the market what forms of ethnic cleansing are to be traded, though the government still plays an important role: regulating genocide so that it can be safe for consumers. The market has spoken, and people want genocide! But we must all work together to keep this cherished international institution solid for the 21st century. The children are the future.

Is your nation licensed to conduct genocide? Contact a governing body to find out the rules and regulations that apply in your area. There may be a governing agency that can help you determine what steps you should take.

Remember, while genocide is not right for all circumstances and situations, and must be used responsibly, it can be highly effective in nation-building, establishing a political power-base, and incorporating the military industrial complex into every aspect of a secure economic total future. If you are unsure whether genocide is right for you, check with an adult first. If you are not authorized to conduct a genocide yourself, don’t despair: it may be possible to commit genocide under supervision, or to contract an authorized agent to conduct genocide for you.

Be careful: despite the common misperception that “ethnic cleansing” is distinct from genocide, the difference is less substantive than legalistic: all genocides are ethnic cleansing, but some ethnic cleansings are not genocides. In either case, you will need authorization for any sort of politically-motivated mass violence directed at the destruction and non-existence of a particular people or nation. Since there is no such thing as “minor genocide,” it is better to be safe than sorry.

If you find you have conducted a genocide without proper licensing, don’t panic: you have 90 days to file the appropriate paperwork without penalty. Even if the 90 day period has passed, you may still be able to participate in genocide amnesty programs, depending on your structural position within global patriarchal whiteness.

Contact the UN if you suspect an unauthorized genocide is being waged in your area. Without proper supervision, genocide can be dangerous.

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