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Terrifying Robot Update: Friday, June 27, 2014

Taking a pulsing red heart from a man who has emerged from pitch black darkness indicates that you are a happy and emotionally supportive robot it’s definitely not an ominous sign of an almost impossibly sublime emotional violence you will perform on all your future “friends”, you will not rip their heart out, no Pepper you are a good robot a nice robot good robot.

 

Hahaha, hahah, look at that it’s harmless it’s just a cute little spider robot doing a salsa dance hahaha its so cute because it’s a dancing robot spider hahahaha I love it the best thing about it is you can 3D print it you can 3D print as many as you want why not a whole army of salsa dancing robot spiders hahaha they are crawling up your legs hahaha oh the way they dance tickles your ribcage so hahahaha oh my so lovely the way they just crouch on your shoulders like that and raise their robot haunches hahaha I love dancing

 

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Isn’t that nice the robots are fixing the little boy’s hair

 

I for one can’t wait until I get to hear about a school shooting or climate catastrophe or stock market collapse from one of these excellent news anchors look at their long lovely necks and they’re so emotive it really makes the news feel alive you know it really gets you right up in the thick of it, current events I mean, the only thing I love more than robots is current events talk about your perfect meeting right here of everything a guy could want

 

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