The World Hair Cup

Whereas a large portion of the global population is infatuated with soccer, née football—

Not that American soccer fans have any right to call the sport "football," mind you

Whereas a disproportionate number of soccer players have remarkable hair—

Whereas we, the people, care about hair

The World Hair Cup 2014 has arrived. 

And you have a vote.

Vote for the team with the most remarkable hair in each group here. Voting for The World Hair Cup will follow the "real" World Cup system and schedule: Group Stage voting will last through June 26, when the two teams with the highest number of votes from each group will progress to the Round of 16 for another round of voting. From there, the winner of each match will continue to quarterfinals, then semifinals, until—at last!—the winner of The World Hair Cup is crowned July 13. (For a visual of how the bracket system works, go here.

The sole criterion of The World Hair Cup is team members' hair remarkability.

Bylaws: Facial hair may be considered, but not facial structure. Certainly manner matters not at all, nor does athletic ability. Players' hair histories and prior hair remarkability may not be considered for the 2014 WHC. Wayne Rooney, we're looking at you.
The WHC is about neither good hair, nor bad hair. It is about remarkable hair.





As commissioner of the World Hair Cup, I have selected three players from each team as representatives of their team's hair remarkability; photographs of these players are shown on the ballot, but voters are encouraged to conduct their own research. Photographs of all participating nations' team members are available at the FIFA website.


And now—now


We begin.