By Any Other Name

SUBJECT: UAV Naming & Branding Protocols

FROM: [Author] & [Co-Author], MARKETING DEPARTMENT 

1. [REDACTED], chief of R&D, reports that [COMPANY]‘s development of new Unmanned Aerial Vehicles (hereafter “UAV”) has proceeded according to initial timeline. Four (4) new UAVs expected to undergo initial flight and combat tests in Q4 2012.

 

2. Head of JSOC materiel acquisitions has expressed interest in two (2) of [COMPANY]‘s UAV prototypes for deployment in successor to Project Avocado. Recommend push on all four (4).

 

3. Board has tasked R&D, GOVERNMENT RELATIONS, CIVILIAN OUTREACH, and this DEPARTMENT to establish naming & branding protocols for new and future UAVs.

  1. N.B. [Co-author]adamantly objects to usage of term “drone,” which has unfortunately entered the nomenclature but does not accurately communicate the nature of this technology. [Co-author] stresses that [COMPANY] should combat poor press surrounding this term & make effort coterminous with shelved Project for Peacetime UAV Applications. [Co-author] recommends restarting Peacetime UAV program.
  2. [Author] has no opinion on said project but refers respondents to previous memorandum, “Cultivating a Credulous Media,” produced by DEPARTMENT and MEDIA RELATIONS.

 

4. DEPARTMENT recommends examining extant UAV naming procedures, as well as “nicknames” created among local populations subject to UAV surveillance and/or lethal kinetic strikes.

  1. Mexican drug runners employ euphemism “el mosco” — the mosquito — in relation to Border Patrol’s Predator B UAVs. However, “zangana” is believed to be Spanish word for “drone”; memorandum authors await confirmation from LINGUISTICS team. (N.B. Not to be confused with Haifa Zangana, female Iraqi author who has spoken to Communist media against “drone” strikes; [Author] recommends further monitoring (see: Appendix C, “Dossier”).)
  2. Pashto-speaking peoples have adopted term “bangana” — wasp.
  3. Detroit peoples reportedly christened police helicopters “ghetto birds.”
    1. Term may find new life with Detroit Police Department’s plan to deploy drones to monitor city’s Occupy protestors. (See: [Author] refers respondents to prior memorandum regarding police UAV junket.)
    2. N.B. Memorandum [Co-author] adds that “ghetto bird” is common euphemism in urban communities; cites lyrics from rap musician Ice Cube (see: Appendix C, “Dossier”).
  4. Residents of Gaza Strip refer to Israeli UAVs as “zenana, zenana” (unknown if repetition is customary or panic-induced). Term has rough meaning of “buzz,” but in Egyptian Arabic is “slang used to describe a relentlessly nagging wife,” according to press source.

 

5. DEPARTMENT has attached list (see: Appendix A, “List of Known UAV Systems Worldwide”) of UAV names for approximately 50 other nations known to maintain UAV programs. Notables analyzed below.

  1. China has shown preference for prehistoric birds (Pterodactyl, Pterosaur), eagles (Combat Eagle UCAV, Guizhou Solar Eagle HALE UAV, Long Haul Eagle), jellyfish. LINGUISTICS team currently tasked with deciphering Sheyang Darksword UAV, Xianglong, Yilong, Changkong-1, Changkong-2. Use of American symbol “eagle” is troubling and should be taken up with State Department liaison; may hinder [COMPANY] in export market.
  2. Israel maintains simple monikers for several dozen UAV models: Mastiff, Silver Arrow, Scout, Searcher, Ranger, Heron, Eitan, Skylark, Hermes, Sparrow, Butterfly. Model names may change upon export, as Israel remains No. One (1) exporter of UAV products.
    1. [Author] notes that, as [COMPANY] has learned, Israeli example may be copied and improved upon. Consequently [Author] recommends that LINGUISTICS perform second semiotic analysis of Hebrew State’s UAV names and branding procedures.
  3. Iranians claim Ghods Mohajer 1, Ghods Mohajer 2, Ghods Mohajer 3, Ghods Mohajer 4 UAVs; all part of Mersad series. Name translates to “migrant.” Mersad UAVs also operated by Iranian terrorist client Hezbollah. Other Iranian drones: Ababil (“Swallow”) and Saeghe (“Thunderbolt”). Caution is warranted, as Persian state is known to fabricate military technologies, make extensive use of dummies, pro-state propaganda outlets, and Photoshop™ image manipulation.
    1. N.B. [Co-author] wishes to add to the record — as is his right according to his rank — that Iranians should not be underestimated, particularly in light of captured American RQ-170 Sentinel UAV (see: “December Incident Memorandum”). [Author]disagrees with [Co-author]’s assessment and has urged him to re-examine the relevant casework.

 

6. DEPARTMENT has continued to be impressed by naming protocols adopted by some competitors, in regards to UAVs and associated technologies. Ex: Predator, Reaper, Gorgon Stare, ScanEagle, Neptune, MQ-1C Grey Eagle, Switchblade, Global Hawk, Global Observer, SkySeer, Phantom Eye.

  1. Use of mythological and strong, imposing animal symbology continues to inspire fear in enemies and embolden United States of America and her military allies.
  2. N.B. [Co-author] began weeping after [Author]added this line to the record. Reason unknown; will proceed.

 

7. U.S. government (hereafter “USG”) and military personnel continues to use “bugsplat” as official referent for civilians killed in kinetic strikes.

  1. [Author] notes that “bugsplat” referent remains classified; urges renewed USG investigation regarding how referent leaked to media.
    1. N.B. [Co-author], having recovered himself, adds formal objection to this suggestion. Noted.
  2. Robinson, Jennifer, “human rights” lawyer writing in Al Jazeera, compared this term to Nazi description of Jews as harmful pests and Hutus describing Tutsis as “cockroaches” amidst Rwandan tragedy (N.B. PR department has not cleared use of term “genocide” in company communiques).
    1. [Author]recommends monitoring of Robinson, Jennifer.

 

8. “Squirters” remains de facto descriptor for targets running for cover.[COMPANY] has no official position on this matter.

 

9. [Co-author] has obtained PowerPoint presentation authored by Woods, Chris, activist “journalist” from radical leftist organization Bureau of Investigative Journalism (BIJ). ([Co-author] insists on adding select intelligence from presentation to memorandum. [Author] fails to see relevance — he supposes it may be of interest to GOVERNMENT RELATIONS — but is too beleaguered to object.)

  1. Woods, Chris claims that, as of 2012 April, 2,429-3,097 have died in kinetic strikes in Pakistan; 479-811 are civilians.
  2. Per Woods, Chris: 170 named militants killed in strikes; 317 named civilians.

 

10. Memorandum [Co-author] has produced from aforementioned presentation list of names of alleged dead civilians in Pakistan tribal regions. [Author] referred [Co-author] to statement of June 2011 by White House Counterterrorism Adviser Brennan, John, who said that for one (1) year no civilian casualties had been recorded. [Co-author] remained insistent and could not be reasoned with; consequently [Author] has chosen to include following conversation:

[Co-author]: “These people must be named. It’s important to know who they are and what we’re doing.”

[Author]: “There have been no no civilian casualties.”

[Co-author]: “Of course that’s not true. These are people who died. At least call them collateral damage.”

[Author]: “I disagree. You should trust the algorithms that have been developed. They are are of the highest order.”

[Co-author]: “These were human beings.”

[Author]: “It is a binary: target or non-target. It works perfectly. The teams are well-trained to execute it.”

Following four (4) minutes of similar conversation, [Co-author] became hysterical, pleading, etc. Following one (1) half-hour, [Author] acceded to [Co-author], whose weeping had attracted attention of SECURITY & MEDICAL (see: attached report, “Mental Fitness Eval. of Employee [Co-author]”). [Co-author] received sedative, pacified, allotted two personal days. (N.B. Personal days contingent upon concurrence of HUMAN RESOURCES.)

 

11. Given that [Co-author] remains, as of present moment, assigned to DEPARTMENT and co-tasked with this Memorandum, [Author] reluctantly submits Memorandum in current form. [Author]’s objections have been itemized in Appendix D.

  1. In matter of [Co-author], [Author] recommends [COMPANY] increase extant monitoring.

 

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Maulvi Khaleefa Amanullah Ilyas
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Fazal Wahab (16) Sakhi Rehman Farman
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Fazal Hakim (19) Bismullah, wife & 2 children Wife & son of Badr Mansoor
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Shoaib (08) Niamatullah Kamran
Khalilullah (09) Shahzad Siddiq
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Khalid (12) Bashir Zarmali Khan
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Razi Mohammad (16) Laiq Sultan Jan
Mashooq Jan (15) Naeem Ullah (10) Bukhtoor Gul
Nawab (17) Sabir Aman Ullah Jan
Sultanat Khan (16) Riaz Imran Khan
Ziaur Rahman (13) Shaukatullah Elda Jan
Noor Mohammad (15) Hans Shakum
Mohammad Yaas Khan (16) Taj Nasrullah
Qari Alamzeb (14) Sanaullah Jan (17) Umar
Ghulam Nabi (21) Raza Khan Naeem
Ziaur Rahman (17) Jamil Dil Nawaz
Abdullah (18) Mustafaa Yousaf
Ikramullah (17) Noor Gul Ashraf
Inayatur Rahman (16) and Shahbuddinl brothers (15) Jaffar Naimatullah
Yahya Khan (16) Faraz Taj Mohammad
Rahatullah (17) Musa Musa
Khan (21) Kamal* Mohammad Khaleel
Mohammad Salim (11) Malik Daud Khan Azaz-ur-Rehman
Shahjehan (15) Ismail Khan Mansoor-ur-Rehman
Gul Sher Khan (15) Hajji Babat Kushdil Khan
Bakht Muneer(14) Khnay Khan Ubaid Ullah
Numair (14) Gul Mohammed and his son Ratiq Ullah
Mashooq Khan (16) Ismael Safat Ullah
Ihsanullah (16) Gul Akbar Shams
Luqman (12) Mohammad Sheen Noor
Jannatullah (13) Lewanai Majid
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Qari Ishaq (19) Noor Ali Masai
Jamshed Khan (14) Zare Jan Mehboob
Alam Nabi (11), brothers Sadiq Waris
Qari Abdul Karim (19) Mustaqeem Wasim
Rahmatullah (14) Khangai Ihsan
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Shaukat (14) Bakhtar Mohib
Inayatur Rahman (17) Atif (12) Zahid
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