facebook twitter tumblr newsletter
Terrifying Robot Update

Terrifying Robot Update: Friday, September 5, 2014

Dear robot makers of America,

Could you please design a robot that looks and moves as much like a snake as possible?



• • •


• • •

Yes, listen to his calm, posh British accent, let his soothing words lull you into comfort, look at that much cleaner floor, it’s so clean in your home now, don’t worry that the internet enabled high power suction robot is called the 360EYE and can record everything around it in a 360° panorama, you’re not worried about that, you’ve never read Foucault and anyway your floors will be so clean, so clean…so nice and clean…

• • •


Initially, the researchers hypothesized the humans would struggle with relinquishing control to let a machine become leader. What they found, however, was that humans were satisfied, and even preferred, to have the robot reign, because it significantly increased productivity.

When the robot lead the human team, the time it took to schedule each worker was dramatically reduced compared to when tasks were assigned manually, which took the most amount of scheduling time. Subjects also felt like the robot was intelligent enough to understand them and their goals while working.

In short, robots have no patience for tomfoolery and can easily increase productivity when given the chance. As technology evolves, so does the importance of robots as leaders.

The importance of robots as leaders. The importance of robot leaders. The important robot leaders.


• • •



Terrifying Robot Update: Monday, August 25, 2014

The robot hotel is so quiet it is only the light buzzing of the robot wheels on the hotel carpet it is as quiet as a server farm there is no one in the hotel there are towels the robot butler will bring the towels there are no people in the hotel it is very quiet

• • •

hahahahaha who said the arms manufacturing industry doesn’t have a sense of humor WHO SAID THAT WAS IT YOU WAS IT YOU IN THE BACK THERE I HEARD YOU

• • •


“HitchBot, assembled from household odds and ends by university professors Frauke Zeller and David Smith, was to reunite with its creators at an art gallery in Victoria, British Columbia having crossed more than 3,700 miles.

The pair devised the trip hoping it would provide insights into societal views of robots.

“This project turns our fear of technology on its head and asks, ‘Can robots trust humans?’” Zeller told AFP in late July when HitchBot’s trip began.” (via)

That’s right, that motherfucker from last time made it all the way across goddamn Canada Goddammit when will people LISTEN

• • •

No, it’s fine, it’s definitely fine, this definitely is not a problem, I’m fine, this is fine, we’re all gonna be fine


Terrifying Robot Update: Friday, August 8, 2014

See you should always let robots into your car they are safe and whimsical don’t worry human hitchhikers are dangerous and not to be trusted on the other hand robots are cute and you should pick them up and put them in your car

• • •

A struggling Korean baseball team have invented a novel way to improve atmosphere at their matches – by bringing in a crowd of robot fans.

Hanwha Eagles supporters not able to get to the stadium can control the robot over the internet.

The bots can cheer, chant and perform a Mexican wave – but presumably not invade the pitch.


• • •

Hahahaha a special robot just to run across the sand look at its little sand running legs it’s definitely not going to hunt us down on the beach one by one hahahahaha

• • •

WARNING: not only terrifying surgery robot but also features nasty robot surgery footage, literally watch a robot take apart someone’s flesh, here, now, it’s gross, don’t do it, don’t look away, it’s the future, no, it’s today, robot surgery

• • •

The way it runs away the way it runs away the way it runs away the way it runs away


Terrifying Robot Update: Friday, July 25, 2014

Don’t worry, there’s definitely no reason to be scared about a robot hand with lightning fast reflexes it’s totally chill no one will integrate this into some kind of warrior robot or soldier robot or robot cop no no it will only be used to catch foul balls at the baseball game buy me some peanut and cracker jack I’m definitely not imagining these fingers closing around my neck

Isn’t that nice it kinda has a little happy face with those headlights and definitely it isn’t just an incredibly powerful and accurate robot jackhammer

You gotta be fucking kidding me

When people confidently announce that once robots come for our jobs, we’ll find something else to do like we always did, they are drawing from a very short history. The truth is, there’s only been one-and-a-three-quarters of a machine age—we are close to concluding the second one—we are moving into the third one.

And there is probably no fourth one.

No shit. They’re gonna kill us all.



Terrifying Robot Update: Friday, July 11, 2014

Don’t worry CHARLIE the CIA robot fish is declassified now which probably means they haven’t filled the oceans with much smaller more advanced robot fish right probably there aren’t CIA robot fish in every body of water watching waiting there’s no way that would be too many CIA robot fish and anyway they admitted they made one because now they have a twitter account and they’re friendly so don’t worry the oceans and lakes are not full of CIA robots.

• • •

Hahahaha that’s so cute Obama is playing soccer with a robot hahahaha that is so nice because Obama is known for using robots for for amusement so cute it’s a soccer drone hahahaha

• • •

So yes historically in fiction when we send robots into space it goes badly? But don’t worry actually because this robot is just the cutest and he’s just a funny little robot we love him he is so sweet and so small don’t worry it’s all for science it’s not a terrifying dystopic reality that a tiny adorable robot branded with the name of an almost monopolistically huge manufacturer is sent into space to talk to astronauts as a press stunt.


• • •

“California, eager to retain its role as legal arbiter to the auto world, in July will begin taking applications for driving licenses for self-driving cars. The licenses take effect in September.” California to Issue Driving Licenses to Robots